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A new series, published in the Wellness section of the Coeur d'Alene Press, had as it's main focus: answering some of life’s annoying perplexities. 
 
Questions were responded by columnist, Jan White,LFIBA,RMT,D.D.,  WA registered Holistic Counselor, REIKI Master Teacher, and Ordained Interfaith Minister.
 
Jan specializes in issues of anxiety, trauma, depression, relationships, loss, unresolved core issues, mastering Life's Changes, transitions, and healing chronic/traumatic illness. She can be reached at (509) 230-1964.
 
The below are some excerpts from that column.
 
Dear Jan,
"What do you do when after a typical day at work you come home totally worn out, dead tired, with nothing
 left to give .... And this day is no different than any other day!!! What is going on?"
    Sign me --- Tired, and tired of it!
 
Dear Tired,
  This is one of the most perfect descriptions of what stress is and how it affects us.
  Feeling negative feelings such as frustration, fear, jealousy, anxiety, greed, or anger depletes our
  storehouse of energy; while positive emotions of joy, happiness, love, and trust restores us physically,
  mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.
 
                    What we focus on by our thoughts and feelings comes back to us.
 
Experiencing these negative emotional anchors can totally exhaust us to the point owhere we are unable to physically function.
It is not situations that make us feel stressed --- for when we feel emotionally provoked what is actually happening is that the remembrance of a past traumatic experience is re-awakened and automatically
triggers the feeling of the original rage/hurt/fear.

                    We attract, and re-enact, the initial experience over and over and over in our life until
                    we are motivated, by its discomfort, to release the outdated belief from its exaggerated hold.
   
The method usually used to release the harmful unresolved issue and outdated belief is:
1. RECOGNIZE: when you are stressed out.
2. IDENTIFY: what the feeling is (betrayal, fear, anger, hurt, etc.) and think back on how it first started (to understand why
it was given its importance).
3. CHOOSE: to release this outdated, destructive belief.
4. INTEGRATE: the replacement belief into your life experiences.
5. SAY GOODBYE: to the remaining fragments of the outdated issue and belief --- create a ceremony to formally let go
of something that has outlived its usefulness and is no longer needed to remind us of a
necessary lesson.
6. GIVE THINKS/FORGIVENES: thank your God/Higher Source for the lesson/gift that was just learned, and forgive our self
for using the feelings of guilt, shame, or fear in our life until its release.
 
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Dear Jan,
   "My family keeps kidding me that I have a bad attitude. Maybe I do ... but what difference does it make? Hey, I'm over 21 and I'll have any attitude that I want! When you can show me that life will be any easier if I change, well then maybe I'll consider it."
    Signed --- So What!
 

Dear So What 
I think it is a pretty safe assumption that life for you must be frustrating, unfulfilling, and certainly not the motivator that gets you out of bed in the morning ... How do I know --- it's your attitude!
Life, or what is also called, our Reality, is a reflection of what we believe and how commited we are to that belief. 
These are our perceptions and attitudes ---  gained from the experiences, cultural background, and concepts that we have
accepted as our Truths.
 
        What you believe, therefore You Are.
    

The child who grows up in a secure, loving environment would have the perspective that life is effortless and easygoing; and
would then radiate optimism, flexibility and be undaunted in his/her aspirations. The same individual, who later in life experiences a lengthy deprivation cycle would abolish the original perspective and embody the new attitude --- that of deficiency.
Because he/she would now take on a luckless, deprived, and victimized attitude and belief, their temporary
cycle would continue until such time as their attitude changed to one of confidence and Trust.
 
    What you radiate you also receive back ---   since Like Attracts Like
 
On my first trip to Glastonbury, England, several years ago, I purposely sought out a Bed and Breakfast inn each night at
whatever town I happened to be in that day. B&B owners are, by and large, very personable and enjoy conversing with their patrons, especially to someone like myself who was eager to learn of the people, traditions and history of the local region.
At one such place, situated at Lands End, the owners had both just left careers in the educational field to make a major life change.
That evening we sat around the fireplace and comfortably chatted. Soon, our discussion took on a philosophical tone and the remainder of night we concentrated on the question: who achieves success and how do they do it?   
 
All too soon the late night hours drew to a close without our being able to come to any conclusions. There were only four hours remaining before I was to start out for my next destination. On the way up to my room, I was handed fifteen books --- all of which
were about people who were known for their successes. Nodding determinedly to my hosts, I doggedly declared that by the time I was to leave in the morning I would have the answer to our discussion. And so, rather than sleeping, I spent the time scrutinizing those fifteen books ... in hopes of learning what it was that made certain people dramatically stand out from the general mass. 
 
It was clear that each successful person had his/her very unique set of circumstances, motivations, and experiences, but alas! There was still one very distinct similarity: INTENT!
 
Each successful person clearly intended to, and very definitely, expected to be successful. They each lived life
as if they had already attained success and let nothing deter them from a laser like focus of having success.
 
Failure was not accepted as a negative, but rather as a stepping stone on the path to the end result.
They were commited to their intent! 
 
And so I left Lands End a far wealthier person for learning another wonderful Universal Truth: for Reality is
what WE believe it is --- or choose to believe it is.
  
   If our life is not giving us what we desire, then we need to change the programming that is holding us back from having the Reality we deserve.
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Dear Jan
 :"My life has always been being “one of the crowd”. It was a comfortable life... but now everything seems to be in chaos. How do I handle this?"
Signed: Out of Control
 
Dear Out of Control
There are times when, I am sure, we wish to run away from Change, from the upheaval and the stress that it may cause us to endure. But the biggest challenge in our life is in discovering and honoring who we really are in a world whose persistence is to make you like everyone else. And it is through the means of Change that our beliefs and unresolved emotional issues are challenged, reviewed and chosen for their appropriateness.
 
                    Our journey is a remembering that we need to Be and act from who we know we are and 
                    not someone else's conception.  Do we dare take the risk of honoring that?
 
Your beliefs represent the inner core of who, what, and where you really are. This is what you stand for, strive
to become, and acknowledge as what you are. This is the union of the personality (little you) and your Higher Self (large YOU).
 
The time(s) that you go against your conscience/beliefs you experience an agitation of inner turmoil.
Change, or what may appear as chaos, enters into your life when you no longer demonstrate who you really
are or are going in a direction away from who you always desired to Be. The pressure to be in alignment with what you know to be your core beliefs now becomes the dominant focus in each of your life experiences and relationships.
When you no longer reflect the real you, when your actions do not represent the true who, what, and where
of you, then the intensity surfaces in your life to correct that picture.
 
A Contract of Individuality may be used to define and assist in maintaining the target for what priorities, goals and intentions you wish to accomplish, and secondly, as a commitment of your standards of integrity. In the business world this is referred to as a Mission Statement.
 
                            It is said that you cannot reach a target unless you have a target.
 
Once this is identified then your life becomes easier and more controllable to make the necessary day to day and long term decisions, since the basis for all of your decisions is outlined in the Contract.
 
The second purpose, that of making a commitment to acknowledge your Standards of Integrity, is as critical to
a successful existence as the target. Your integrity represents the inner core, the essence of who, what, and where you really are..   The Contract must be in writing, making it a tangible and sincere commitment to
your own self and the partnership between your self with your Higher Self..
    
The following questions are usually answered within the Contract, although you may also use a special poem, credo, or passage that represents “what you are all about”:
 
                        1. A brief description, term, or word of who you are,
                        2. A vision of what you want to become,
                        3. The philosophies and values that are important to you,
                        4. Your goals and purpose in life, and
                        5. What distinguishes you from others.
This ongoing journey into our spiritual evolution focuses on honoring, acknowledging, and reinventing who we really are. Only when we can Love ourselves, unconditionally, can we ever expect to accept and respect the feelings of others.
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Dear Jan:
I have just been offered a job transfer, but it is out of town. I have lived here almost my whole life, and not being a risk taker, feel quite uncomfortable in making the change. I know it would be good for me but I feel
torn by the fears that keep coming up and tormenting me.
Signed: Torn by Fear
 
 
Dear Torn by Fear: 
Change affects each of us differently, depending on the impact that the Change would have on our lives and also in how rooted we are in maintaining our comfort zones. Funny thing about comfort zones, no matter how bad or stagnant our life is, or how dangerous it may be to our physical and/or mental health (or that of our loved ones) the fear of not knowing what is beyond what we can see becomes so overpowering to us that
some would rather remain in a no win situation than take the risk of having what they deserve.
 
                       Fear robs people of their dreams, Life doesn't. 
 
Fear is not an emotion. It is the instinctive part of ourself; set up to warn us of tangible dangers such as
crossing the street when a car is rapidly careening toward us. Our instincts were appropriately established
in the days of the cave man, when it was the primary requirement for day to day existence. But unfortunately, our instinctive temperament still maintains a ruling spotlight in that we constantly have to soothe and calm the scared child within, ensuring her/him that we will still have the physical, monetary, or status security even if
we leave the current situation.
 
Fear is recognizable and so it becomes a tool for us to use in determining whether what we are fearful of is real or unreal. Real is the car speeding toward us as we are stepping off the curb, or the small child reaching to touch the hot burner on the stove. These are tangible dangers and we can readily see the immediate and real consequence. Unreal fear usually has a 'What If?' question attached to it: If I change careers, what if I can't make enough money in the new job?, If I leave this relationship, what if I can't find a better one . . .or any one?, If I change, what if my friends don't like me any longer -- or maybe I wouldn't like them any more?
  
Fear supports and promotes setting ourselves up as victims. But we are always at choice, each moment of every day, whether to be a victim or a master.
 
                       Unreal fear is a block to our having what we deserve.
 
And so intuition may be used to get our attention that we are on the wrong track .
 
Intuition is that part of us, deep within, that has the Knowingness of what is really True.... where ego and illusion do not interfere and What Is So speaks to us when we are ready to listen.
   
The last lines of a very special verse, entitled RISK IT, really illustrates this subject. The author is unknown.
                       
                        The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, 
                        and is nothing.
                       He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply  
                       cannot learn, feel, change, grow, love, live.
                       Only a person who risks is free.
 
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MAKING YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS WORK!

One year over and the next one just beginning …

This is the time that we usually sit down and decide what resolutions and goals we want to set in motion. But, unfortunately, in a couple of months they don’t appear important, or for that matter, possible to manifest. And so you give up and go on with your life the way you have been for the past several years.

But what if this year is different? What would your life be like if you can change your reality? Well, you can!

Let’s make 2017 your banner year. The year that your life shifted into what you really want it to be.

Universal Law dictates that whatever you focus on returns to you. This is especially true of the feelings you feel when you experience situations. Feeling fear creates more fearful experiences. Feeling anger creates more situations coming into your life making you feel angry. These negative feelings that you have been holding inside of you creates the patterns that keep occurring in your life. This is the basis of what you see as your what is happening in your life right now, your reality. You want to change your reality? Then change the patterns … change the bottlenecks holding you back from what you wish your life to be.

Well, how do you do that?

Step One: Take some time by yourself and think about the situations that appeared to have repeatedly occurred this past year -- that made you feel negative feelings: anger, frustration, depression, sadness, fear, loss, etc. 

Step Two: Now, on a piece of paper draw 2 columns. In the first column write down what negative feelings you felt in each of these situations. In the second column list the lessons you gained (the realizations and insights gained from those experiences that have made you a better person) from each of the situations that seem to reoccur. It is the recognition of these insights that release the need for continuing to experience the patterns since your awareness now includes what lessons were required.

Step Three: Performing “ceremony”, one that resonates with your personality and comfort level, makes your intentions more significant, more powerful, and sends clarity to the Universe/God/Source of the partnership in this experience. Sit with your feet on the ground, or sit on the ground, have a ceramic bowl nearby and the list you just created. Invite your guides, Source/God, etc to be participants in the ceremony and say the following (or what feels right to you):

“I ask that the energies of my Ancestors and any and all representatives of my Divine Support group be present
at this ceremony, drawing forth the requests expressed today and manifesting these expressions into what is
in the Highest Good and Best Interest for all. This is a commitment ceremony between me, my Higher Self, and Life.

I ask that these negative emotions (mentally identify what these are or use your list) be placed in a
pink bubble and sent into the Universe away from doing any harm.
I also ask that these feelings be released from each of my bodies and that healing takes its place.
I recognize that these represented/listed lessons were to be learned and I acknowledge that it is now
complete and done.
I hereby forgive any transgressions, and equally, forgive myself for any and all.
I ask that blessings and peace be given to Name of Persons or Situations Being Released, as well as
myself and that all wrongs, unbalances, and karmic obligations be complete by this action.
SO BE IT AND SO IT IS. IT IS DONE IT IS DONE. IT IS DONE.”

Burn the list in the bowl and then:
Visualize golden light coming from above your body, drawn down into your body, into every pore and atom of your 4 bodies (mental, emotional, physical, and core essence), down into the earth, and then see it brought up through the earth into your body, into and out of the top of your head and then shooting up above you.
When you feel it has permeated your entire Self, then enlarge and expand it around you and under and over you. Allow some time to actually feel this.
  

“This concludes our ceremony. I thank each and every Divine Support energy for their attendance
here and in their participation of the power of its fulfillment and consecration. I am in gratitude and
appreciation.  I now release Each from this ceremony and ask blessings for my continual support
and assistance.  So be it and so it is. It is done. It is done. It is done.”


I congratulate you on making this monumental step in shifting your life. May you only experience: joy, peace, love, Knowingness, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

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